At a blow all the resolutions he had forced
himself to were upset and scattered, for he had returned with the
reckless determination of plunging into whatever dissipation chanced to
be going on.
He had roamed about, angry and tormented, until the climax of passion
was succeeded by an overpowering sense of gloom, to get away from which
he had determined to abandon himself, and, flinging all restraint
aside, sink down to that level over which the better part of his nature
had vainly tried to soar. But now, in the feeling of degradation which
Eve's eyes had flashed upon him, the grossness of these excesses came
freshly before him, and the knowledge that even in thought he had
entertained them made him feel lowered in his own eyes; and if in his
eyes, how must he look in hers?
Without a movement he knew every time that she entered the room: he
heard her exchange words with some of those present, applaud a song of
Barnabas Tadd's, answer a question of Uncle Zebedee's, and, sharpest
thorn of all, stand behind Jerrem's chair, talking to him while some of
the roughest hits were being made at his own mistaken judgment in
holding back those who were ready to have "sunk the Looe boats and all
aboard 'em.
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