Since my school-days I have been
companionless. If I have gone into society, I have been under the guard
of one or the other of my sisters. These are cold, austere, and
repulsive, and especially toward those who would most likely seek my
society, and with whom I would most naturally be pleased. I must be
retired, cold, and never to seem pleased, but always remarkably silent
and dignified. I must be a goddess to be worshipped, and not an equal
to be approached and my society courted companionably. In fine, I was
to be miserable, and make all who came to me participate in this
misery. It was more agreeable to remain at home among my flowers and
shrubs, my books, and my visits to Uncle Toney. Do you wonder, sir,
that I seem eccentric? You know how the young love companionship--how
they crave the amusements which lend zest to life. I enjoy none of
this, and I am sometimes, I believe, nearly crazy. I fear you think me
so, now. I want to love my brother, but he will not permit me to do so.
I fear he has a nature so unlovable that such a feeling toward him
animates no heart.
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