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Warner, Anne, 1869-1913

"The Rejuvenation of Aunt Mary"

"When I say do a thing,
can't it be done? I declare it's bad enough to live with a pack of idiots
without havin' 'em, one an' all, act as if I was the idiot!"
Arethusa laid aside her work and rose to quit the room. She returned five
minutes later with pen and ink, but Aunt Mary was now off on another tack.
"I want a bulldog!" she cried imperatively.
"A bulldog!" shrieked her niece, nearly dropping what she held in her
hands. "What do you want a bulldog for?"
"Not a bullfrog!" the old lady corrected; "a bulldog. Oh, I do get so sick
of your stupidity, Arethusa," she said. "What should I or any one else
want of a bullfrog?"
Arethusa sighed, and the sigh was apparent.
"I'd sigh if I was you," said her aunt. "I certainly would. If I was you,
Arethusa, I'd certainly feel that I had cause to sigh;" and with that she
sat up and gave her pillow a punch that was full of the direst sort of
suggestion.
Arethusa did not gainsay the truth of the sighing proposition. It was too
apparent.
The next day Aunt Mary slept until noon, and then opened her eyes and
simultaneously declared:
"Next summer I'm goin' to have an automobile!"
Then she looked about and saw that she had addressed the air, which made
her more mad than ever. She rang her bell violently, and Arethusa left the
lunch table so hastily that she reached the bedroom half-choked.
"Next summer I'm goin' to have an automobile," said the old lady angrily.
"Now, get me some breakfast.


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