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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Tea-Table Talk"

He is always up-to-
date. The last new Shakespeare, the latest scandal, the man of the
hour, the next nine days' wonder--by the evening Longrush has his
roller ready. In my early days of journalism I had to write each
evening a column for a provincial daily, headed 'What People are
Saying.' The editor was precise in his instructions. 'I don't want
your opinions; I don't want you to be funny; never mind whether the
thing appears to you to be interesting or not. I want it to be
real, the things people ARE saying.' I tried to be conscientious.
Each paragraph began with 'That.' I wrote the column because I
wanted the thirty shillings. Why anybody ever read it, I fail to
understand to this day; but I believe it was one of the popular
features of the paper. Longrush invariably brings back to my mind
the dreary hours I spent penning that fatuous record."
"I think I know the man you mean," said the Philosopher. "I had
forgotten his name."
"I thought it possible you might have met him," I replied. "Well,
my cousin Edith was arranging a dinner-party the other day, and, as
usual, she did me the honour to ask my advice.


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