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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Sexual Inversion"

I know that
psychically I have always been more interested in women than in
men, but have not considered them the best companions or
confidants. I feel protective towards them, never feel jealous of
them, and hate having differences with them. And I feel always
that I am not one of them. If there had been any period in my
life when health, and temptation and money and opportunity had
made homosexual relations easy I cannot say how I should have
resisted. I think that I have never had any such relations simply
because I have in a way been safeguarded from them. For a long
time I thought I must do without all actual sexual relations and
acted up to that. If I had thought any relations right and
possible I think I should have striven for heterosexual
experiences because of the respect that I had cultivated, indeed
I think always had, for the normal and natural. If I had thought
it right to indulge any sort of gratification which was within my
reach I think I might probably have chosen the homosexual as
being perhaps more satisfying and more convenient.


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