There were times when I was silent
before people, but if I had had a knife in my hand I could have
stuck it into them. If it had been desired to make me a
thoroughly perverted being I can imagine no better way than the
attempt to mould me by force into a particular pattern of girl.
"Looking at my instincts in my first childhood and my mental
confusion over myself, I do not believe the most sympathetic and
scientific treatment would have turned me into an average girl,
but I see no reason why proper physical conditions should not
have induced a better physical development and that in its turn
have led to tastes more approximate to those of the normal woman.
That I do not even now desire to be a normal woman is not to the
point.
"Instead of any such help, I suffered during the time that should
have been puberty from a profound mental and physical shock which
was extended over several years, and in addition I suffered from
the outrage of every fine and wholesome feeling I had. These
things by checking my physical development gave, I am perfectly
convinced, a traumatic impetus to my general abnormality, and
this was further kept up by demanding of me (at the dawn of my
real sexual activity, and when still practically a child) an
interest in men and marriage which I was no more capable of
feeling than any ordinary boy or girl of 15.
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