They all in the end either had love affairs or married. I know
that in spite of all our free conversations they never talked to
me as they did to each other; we were always a little shy with
each other. But I got very fond of at least four of them. I
admired them and when I was tired and worried I often thought how
easily, if I had been a man, I could have married and settled
down with one or the other. I used to think it would be
delightful to have a woman to work for and take care of. My
attraction to these women was very strong, but I don't think they
knew it. I seldom even kissed them, but I should often have
cheerfully given them a good hugging and kissing if I had thought
it a right or proper thing to do. I never wanted them to kiss me
half so much as I wanted to kiss them. In these years I felt this
with every woman I admired.
"Occasionally, I experienced slight erections when close to other
women. I am sure that no deliberate thought of mine caused them,
and as I had them at other times too, when I was not expecting
them, I think it may have been accidental.
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