There was something that I simply lacked; that I never doubted.
Curiously enough, I thought that the ultimate explanation might
be that there were men's minds in women's bodies, but I was more
concerned in finding a way of life than in asking riddles without
answers.
"I thought that one day when I had money and opportunity I would
dress in men's clothes and go to another country, in order that I
might be unhampered by sex considerations and conventions. I
determined to live an honorable, upright, but simple life.
"I had no idea at first that homosexual attractions in women
existed; afterward observations on the lower animals put the idea
into my head. I made no preparation in my mind for any sexual
life, though I thought it would be a dreary business repressing
my body all my days.
"My relations with other women were entirely pure. My attitude
toward my sexual physical feelings was one of reserve and
repression, and I think the growing conviction of my radical
deficiency somewhere, would have made intimate affection for
anyone, with any demonstration in it, a kind of impropriety for
which I had no taste.
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