Thoughts of her
aroused feelings which I attempted to satisfy in this way, but
the entire sensuality of the act soon led me to refrain and to
see that that was not what I wanted.
"A peculiar incident that might have some significance occurred
to me about five years ago. I was sitting in a small room where a
seminar was being conducted. The leader of the discussion was a
man about 50, whom I looked up to on account of his attainments
and respected as a man, though I knew him socially very slightly.
I had lost a night's sleep from toothache and was feeling
nervous. I was giving my entire attention to the subject in hand,
when suddenly I felt a very strong physical compulsion toward
that man. I did not know what I was going to do, but I felt on
the point of losing all control of myself. I was afraid to leave,
for fear the slightest movement would throw me into a panic. The
attraction was entirely physical and like nothing I had felt
before. And I had a strange feeling that its cause was in the man
himself; that he was willing it; I was like a spectator.
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