When she was about 8 she used to see various
nurse-maids uncover their children's sexual parts and show them
to each other. She used to think about this when alone, and also
about whipping. She never cared to play with dolls, and in her
games always took the part of a man. Her first rudimentary
sex-feelings appeared at the age of 8 or 9, and were associated
with dreams of whipping and being whipped, which were most vivid
between the ages of 11 and 14, when they died away on the
appearance of affection for girls. She menstruated at 12.
Her earliest affection, at the age of 13, was for a schoolfellow,
a graceful, coquettish girl with long golden hair and blue eyes.
Her affection displayed itself in performing all sorts of small
services for this girl, in constantly thinking about her, and in
feeling deliciously grateful for the smallest return. At the age
of 14 she had a similar passion for a girl cousin; she used to
look forward with ecstasy to her visits, and especially to the
rare occasions when the cousin slept with her; her excitement was
then so great that she could not sleep, but there was no
conscious sexual excitement.
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