What followed is of some importance. Up till then, though
certainly his affection seemed ardent, I had observed no sexual
signs on his part. I had been quite frank with him as to mine. He
was then 19, and I thought old enough to have things explained to
him. Sleeping with him I had found peaceful and helpful, and more
than once he told me that it greatly helped him. But _after we
were forbidden to sleep together_, I found the passion in me more
difficult to control, and it suddenly leaped out in him. We were
still, however, rather ascetic, though we used to kiss each
other, and we used to embrace naked. This produced emission not
infrequently with me, but only once with him, though always
powerful erection. I would not allow any friction. Perhaps this
was a mistake. A more complete expression might have helped him.
"All my life I had been hungry for a complete response, and at
one time the lad thought he could give it. He was then nearing
20. 'I have never been so happy in my life,' he said. It was a
blow to me when I found he had mistaken his own feelings, but I
was quite ready to accept what love he could give.
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