Some were very devoted; but, as years went by and the
proportion of _mauvais sujets_ increased, there tended to be a
split in the small camp and one or two boys whom I loved deceived
me terribly. To a man of my temperament this was heart-rending
and from then the work was doomed. Troubles at school went along
with troubles at home, and these things contributed to center my
affection upon a lad who was with me, and who had given me much
trouble. For some reason or other I went on believing that he
would get right. Deceit was his great difficulty. He was
certainly partly homosexual himself. Looking back I can see that
with a wider and more charitable knowledge I could have dealt
more wisely and helpfully with certain homosexual episodes of
his. I am convinced now that mere sweeping condemnation of the
physical is not the wholesome way of help. However, to cut the
story short, all seemed at last to go well, and the lad was
growing into a young man. Our love deepened, and we always slept
together, but quite ascetically. Later, when quite in his young
manhood he had left school, there was, unfortunately,
misunderstandings with his parents, who forbad him to sleep with
me.
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