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The result, in my case, was bad. It was sensualism, not love.
I can say this with confidence, because in a much later case of
deeply passionate love, I shrank from any such method, but the
mutual, naked embrace I found was for me an absolutely natural
and _pure_ expression of love. I never felt any touch of
grossness in it, and it destroyed the earlier and (for me at
least) less wholesome desire.
"The school friendship disappeared with the marriage of my
friend. I was furiously jealous, and the young man's mother was
opposed to me, but I still think of that early friendship with
tenderness. I know that my boy friend was the first who made me
capable of self-expression, the first who taught me how to make
friends at all. And if he still cared for me, I know that his
love would be dear to me still.
"My chief regret, as I look back, is that I did not know about
these things early. I cannot but think that all youngsters should
be spoken to about the love of comrades and encouraged to seek
help in any sort of trouble that this may bring.


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