She expressed warm
admiration of the way I had worked the problem out. I remember
that I deliberately squashed out the feeling of attraction that
came over me. I scarcely know why I did this; but I fancy there
was a vague sense that I did not want my work disturbed. There
was no sexual attraction or, at least, none that was manifest.
The girl, there is no doubt, grew to love me. I am sorry to say
that in two other cases, later, women loved me, and have both
permanently remained unmarried on my account. I sometimes feel
that in a wisely free society I should be able to give both of
these women children. That I believe I could do, and I think it
would be an immense satisfaction to them. A permanent union with
a woman would, however, be impossible to me. A permanent union
with a man would, I believe, be possible. At least I know that
attractions which have been at all homosexual in character have
in my case been very lasting.
"I was strongly attracted when not more than 13 to a lad slightly
older. It was a love story, there is no doubt, but I do not
recollect any outer sexual signs.
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