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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Sexual Inversion"

He learned the habit of masturbation from his
brother at the age of 9; at that time there was no sexual orgasm,
but watching it in his brother was a perpetual source of wonder
and pleasure. During his brother's absence at sea the boy longed
for his return and would practice self-abuse with the thought of
his brother's naked body before him. This brother's death was a
source of great grief. At the age of 12 he went to
boarding-school and was constantly falling in love with
good-looking boys. He was always taken into one of the bigger
boys' beds. At this age he was thoroughly able to enjoy the
sexual orgasm with boys. His erotic dreams have always been of
men and especially of boys; he has never dreamed sexually of
women. From the age of 9 to the age of 21, when he left school,
he never gave women a thought sexually, though he always liked
their society. For two years after leaving school he had
connection with women, not because he thought there was sin in
loving his own sex, but because he regarded it as a thing that no
one did after leaving school.


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