He cannot
whistle. He thinks he ought to have been a woman.
At school he was shy and reserved, and had no particular intimacy
with anyone, although he once desired it. He learned self-abuse
from his younger brother, who had learned it from an older boy.
He has never had erotic dreams. He never touched anyone but his
brother until later when travelling in Italy, and then only his
fellow-traveller. When travelling in Asia Minor he had many
opportunities, but always put them aside from fear, afterward
regretting his fearfulness. He yearned for intimacy with
particular friends, but never dared to express it. He went much
to theaters, and what he saw there incited him to masturbation.
When he was about 30 years of age his reserve, and his fear of
treachery and extortion, were at last overcome by an incident
which occurred late at night at the Royal Exchange, and again in
a dark recess in the gallery of the Olympic Theater when Gustavus
Brooke was performing. From that time the Adelphi Theater, the
Italian Opera, and the open parks at night became his fields of
adventure.
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