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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Sexual Inversion"

At the age of 51, I still masturbate once or twice a
week, though I long for some person whom I love to share the
pleasure with me. I tried vainly at the age of 27 to bring
myself into line with others. Prostitutes caused me horror,
whether male or female. I attempted the act of coitus four or
five times, twice with women of loose lives and at other times
with married women. Save in one case the attempts were either
abortive or caused me extreme disgust.
"Practically from the time of puberty I have attracted sexually
not only women but men. Women, oddly enough, though I care
nothing for them sexually, either hate me or adore me, and I have
had five offers of marriage. At the same time up till five years
ago, I was pursued by men and have had the oddest experiences
both in England and abroad. In the early period of this history I
suffered tremendously from the feeling that I was isolated and
unique in the world. I strove against the habit of masturbation
and my perverted tastes with all my might. Scourges, vigils,
burnings, all were of no avail.


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