The attachment was much
more that of a man for his wife and had nothing degrading in it.
I was wretched when away from him, and as he was very attached to
sport of all kinds I suffered 'divers kinds of death' each time
that I imagined his life to be endangered. I can honestly say
that in each of my attachments, and I have had many, the
prevailing sentiment was the delight of protecting a weaker being
than myself. Each person whom I have loved has been perfectly
normal and all are now fathers of families. Each still regards me
with affection and respect in spite of what has passed between
us. All my life I have been possessed with the passion for
paternity, I could almost say maternity. Willingly would I have
suffered the pains of hell could I have borne a son to the person
I loved. That I can honestly say has been the dominant instinct
of my life. In my passion I have never been brutal, nor save
under the influence of wine have I had connection with men over
the age of puberty. In Southern Europe my experiences have been
the same, a predominant passion for a boy exhibiting itself in
every species of protecting care, and though terminating so far
as sexual passion was concerned when the boy reached 15 or 16
years, yet still lasting and enduring in an honest and unselfish
affection.
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