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I
leaped up with a hurried excuse, but already the paroxysm had
subsided. No discharge came to my relief, yet the need seemed to
have passed. I returned to my companion, but the glamour of the
meeting was already over. My companion evidently found more
pleasure in my person than when I was a mere child; I felt moved
and flattered by the pleasure he took in pressing his face
against certain parts of my body. On a second occasion, one day,
I seemed involuntarily about to transgress decency, but again, as
before, separated myself, and remained ignorant of what it was on
which I had verged in my excitement. At another meeting, however,
I had been allowed to prolong my embrace and to act, indeed, upon
my full instincts. Once more I felt suddenly the coming of
something acutely impending; I took my courage in my hands and
went boldly forward. In another moment I had hold of the
mysterious secret of masculine energy, to which all my years of
dilirious imaginings had been but as a waiting at the threshold,
the knocking on a closed door.


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