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My
companion was approaching manhood, and his demands became more
frequent, his exactions more humiliating.
"At the same time my passion for male love was growing stronger.
I was able to construct from the unsatisfactory bondage in which
I was held images of bodily embrace which I had not before had
sufficient sense of human contact to form, though I seldom
imagined any of the acts that in actual experience repulsed me.
One day, however, I shirked a particularly repulsive humiliation
which my companion had forced upon me. He discovered the
deception, rose from the prone position in which he lay, and
throwing me across his knees thrashed me violently. I submitted
without a struggle, experiencing a curious sensation of pleasure
in the midst of my pain. When he repeated his order I found its
accomplishment no longer repulsive. One of the few pleasurable
memories this intimacy, extending over years, has left for me is
that moment of abject abasement to one who, with no warmth of
feeling, had yet once had sufficient energy to be brutal to me.


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