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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Sexual Inversion"


"Up to this stage my attraction to the male organ of generation
had been slight and vague. Two things now contributed to bring
thought of it into prominence. On two or three occasions when I
accompanied farm laborers to their occupations I saw them pause
by the way to relieve nature. My extreme shyness as regards such
matters in my own person made this performance in my presence
like an outrage on my modesty; it had about it the suggestion of
an indecent solicitation to one whose inclination was to headlong
and delirious surrender. I stood rooted and flushing with
downcast eyes till the act was over and was conscious for a
considerable time of stammering speech and bewildered faculties.
When I afterward reviewed the circumstances they had the same
attraction for me that amorous cruelty was just then beginning to
exercise on my imagination. My mind secretly embraced the fearful
sweetness of the newly discovered sensation, surrounding the
performance of the function with all sorts of atrocious and
bizarre inventions.


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