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As soon as I
entered my bed I abandoned myself to the construction of an amour
and retained it as long as I had consciousness. I may say that I
was not conscious of any emissions under these circumstances
(until some years later, when I brought it about by my own act),
but the pleasure was fairly acute.
"All this time there were secret meetings, with my bedfellow of
the year before. But they now took place by day, in various
hiding-places, with little unclothing or exposure, and my
companion was cold and fastidious and repelled any warmth on my
part; it became to me a dry sort of ritual. I had an idea at that
time that the whole thing was so much an original invention of
his and mine that there was no likelihood of it being practised
by anyone else in the world. But this consideration did not
restrain me in constructing love scenes with all those whose
appearance attracted me. At this period nearly every man with
whom I came in contact won at least my transient desire; only the
quite old and deformed lay outside the scope of my wishes.


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