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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Sexual Inversion"

Though the
sight of the bruise repulsed me, my pleasure was intense, and the
vision of the gardener's legs was in my bed every night for a
week afterward. My point is that the sight of my nurse was liable
to rouse interest just as much as the far more prosaic display of
the gardener's wounded leg, but my nature made it impossible.
"It was about this time, if not before, that an enormous sense of
shyness with regard to all my private duties began to afflict me.
So great was it that I could endure from no hand except my
mother's or my nurse's the necessary assistance in the buttoning
and unbuttoning of my garments, always excepting those who were
about my own age, toward whom I felt no privacy whatever.
"When I was a little more than 5 I formed a friendship with a
young clerk, a youth of about 15, though he seemed to me a
grown-up person. One day, as he sat at his desk writing, I sat
down and began playing with his feet, investigating the height to
which his socks went under his trousers; in this way I obtained
six inches of bare leg.


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