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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Sexual Inversion"

The _appearance_ must, therefore, have been
usual to me at that date, but certainly the sensation was not.)
"At that time I was totally ignorant of the conditions, of
puberty, which afterward, when I discovered them, so powerfully
affected me. I could not even visualize the private organs of a
man; I made no deductions from myself. The only naked bodies I
had seen then--I judge from circumstances, not from any actual
memory of the facts--were those of my own sisters. In the waking
dreams which I began to construct, though I recurred often to the
one already narrated, the goal of my desire was generally to
nestle between the thighs or to have my face pressed against the
hinder parts of the object of my worship. But for a time my first
dream so engrossed me that I did not indulge in any promiscuity.
Gradually, however, my horizon enlarged, and took in, besides the
first mentioned, three others: a cousin very much my elder, an
uncle, and the curate of the parish.
"At this stage I began to invent circumstances for the indulgence
of my passion.


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