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It was in his eighteenth year that an event occurred which he
regards as decisive in his development. He read Plato. A new
world opened, and he felt that his own nature had been revealed.
Next year he formed a passionate, but pure, friendship with a boy
of 15. Personal contact with the boy caused erection, extreme
agitation, and aching pleasure, but not ejaculation. Through four
years he never saw the boy naked or touched him pruriently. Only
twice he kissed him. He says that these two kisses were the most
perfect joys he ever felt.
His father now became seriously anxious both about his health and
his reputation. He warned him of the social and legal dangers
attending his temperament. But he did not encourage him to try
coitus with women. He himself thinks that his own sense of danger
might have made this method successful, or that, at all events,
the habit of intercourse with women might have lessened neurosis
and diverted his mind to some extent from homosexual thoughts.
A period of great pain and anxiety now opened for him.


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