The constant unrelieved
erections which took place when I saw my friend adopt a graceful
attitude caused pain at the bottom of my back, and I consulted
two specialists, who also advised marriage. I did not tell them I
was an 'invert,' for I hardly knew it was a recognized thing, but
I did tell them something of what had taken place, and they made
next to no comment, but implied it was frequent. My friend now
felt repulsion toward me, but did not express himself, and as
other circumstances then caused a barrier between us to a certain
extent, I did not realize the true reason of his coldness. But I
felt utterly miserable. When I met a noble woman whom I had long
known I asked her to be my wife and she consented. Although I
told her very soon, and long before our marriage, of my
limitations as a husband and of my continued longing for my
friend, I feel now I did a great wrong, and I cannot understand
why I was not more conscious of this at the time; that I was to a
certain extent deceiving her relations was inevitable. I had
expected to devote my life in making her happy, but I soon found
that the true reason of my friend's apparent unfaithfulness was
my own action, combined with a feeling on his part that it was as
well that our affection should cease even at the cost of
misunderstanding.
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