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I was
somewhat attracted to another man, but his superior social
position was a defect to me. Then when about 28 I came in contact
with a young man of 24, of the artisan class, but superior in
ideals and intelligence to most men. I loved him at first glance
and to this day. At first it was just friendship, but soon his
form, voice, and thoughts entered into my very soul by day and
night. I longed always to be near him, to see him progress and
help him if I could. I would joyfully have given up home,
friends, and income, and followed him to the end of the world,
preferably an island where we two might at least be the only
white men. He seemed to embody all I longed for in the way of
knowledge of nature, of strength, of practical ability, and the
desire to imitate him in these things widened and strengthened my
character. The first time I slept with him I could only summon
courage to put my arm over his chest, but I could not sleep for
unsatisfied desire, and the unrelieved erection caused a dull
pain on the morrow.


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