Capriciousness and great dissatisfaction with
myself and life generally. Horror at my own incompleteness of sex
and sudden fits of hatred toward women and a great longing to be
loved by men. This condition changes slowly back to the normal
one. It takes several days for me to lose my physical weakness
owing to it.
"Physically I was developed at 16 years of age. Mentally I was
developed at a very early age, but I kept my inner life quite
dark, always playing the innocent. Nobody at home believed me to
know anything about life. They were at times very surprised when
I fell out of the role I had planned for myself. Up till I was 17
years of age nothing to do with other people's morals was ever
discussed before me. I looked so pure, and do now, that people
are always careful in front of me. My father never discussed such
things with me. From my earliest childhood I loved men dearly,
though I was always at daggers drawn with my father and brother.
I worshipped my mother then, as I do now. My sister and I did not
at all get on as children, though we are the best of friends now.
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