"These were the only occasions upon which I have had sexual
intercourse with women. Looking back to them now, they appear to
me to have been almost inevitable; but if I had my life over
again I would shun them as I would a lethal draught. I believe I
came out of the fire unscathed; probably, indeed, it did me good,
in the sense that it made it possible for me to look deeper into
life; though to what extent seeing the torments of the damned
makes us do this, perhaps only a Dante could tell. To gain
knowledge at the expense of the shame and misery of others I hold
to be fundamentally wrong and immoral. What is to me, however,
the chief and bitterest thought is that I flung away the first
spring of manhood where I got no love in return. His virginity
is, or should be, as glorious and sacred a possession to a youth
as to a maiden; to be guarded jealously; to be given only at the
call of love, to one who loves him--be it comrade, mistress, or
wife--and whom he can love in return.
"The full university life into which I now entered at the age of
20 brought with it a flood of new ideas, feelings and sensations.
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