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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Sexual Inversion"

That this should have
been brought about to the harm of four or five boys whose sin,
after all, was but a misdirected impulse for which the system was
responsible, seems to me now all very wrong. Of the boys sent
away, however, certainly three have made honorable careers. For
my friend and I, we became more afraid of each other than before;
as our affections increased, so our fear of them increased also.
The friendship was too ethereal to live; but even yet we still
have a deep respect for one another.
"When at the age of 19 I left school I was allowed to knock about
for a year before entering college. During this time I picked up
a sexual experience that may or may not have been a valuable one,
I certainly look back upon it now, with regret, if not with
horror. My father had discovered, some months before this date,
that I was in the habit of masturbating, and he gave me what he
conceived to be the right counsel under the circumstances: 'If
you do this,' he said, 'you will never be able to use your penis
with a woman.


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