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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Sexual Inversion"

He possessed a refined, handsome
face, was gracefully built, and, though he was rather
undemonstrative, we soon became fast friends.
"We were together only for a few days, when I was obliged to
leave for my home, and the parting caused me great unhappiness
and depression. A few months after we spent a vacation together.
One day during our trip we went swimming, and undressed in the
same bathhouse. When I saw my friend naked for the first time he
seemed to me so beautiful that I longed to throw my arms about
him and cover him with kisses. I kept my feelings hidden,
however, hardly daring to look at him for fear of being unable to
restrain my desires. Several times afterward, in his room, I saw
him stripped, with the same effect upon my emotions. Until I had
seen him naked my feelings for him were not of a physical
character, but afterward I longed for actual contact, but only by
embraces and kisses. Though he was fond of me, he had absolutely
no amorous longings for me, and being a simple, pure-minded
fellow, would have loathed me for mine and my inverted nature.


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