"As I grew older there came, of course, an undefined physical
longing, but it was the _beauty_ of those I admired which mainly
appealed to me. At the time of puberty I spontaneously acquired
the habit of masturbation. Once while bathing I found that a
pleasant feeling came with touching the sexual organs. It was not
long before I was confirmed in the habit. At first I practised it
but seldom, but afterward much more frequently (say, once a
week), though at times months have elapsed without any
indulgences on my part. I have only had erotic dreams three or
four times in my life. The masturbation habit I regard as
morally reprehensible and have made many resolutions to break it,
but without avail. It affords me only the most momentary
satisfaction, and is always followed by remorseful scruples.
"I have never in my life had any sexual feeling for a woman, nor
any sexual connection with any woman whatsoever. The very thought
of such a thing is excessively repugnant and disgusting to me.
This is true, apart from any moral considerations, and I do not
think I could bring myself to it.
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