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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Sexual Inversion"

I can recollect that when about between 3 and 4
years of age a young fellow of about 20 came to our house several
times as a visitor. He was fond of children, I suppose, and I
generally sat on his knee and was kissed by him. This was a
source of great pleasure to me, but I cannot remember if it was
accompanied by erection. I can only recall that his attention and
caresses made a greater impression upon me than those of women.
When about that age too I was often aroused when sleeping with my
mother, and told not to lie on my face. I remember that erection
was always present on these occasions. The dream was the first of
many of its kind, and in my case they have never been accompanied
by emission. They have always been of an 'inverted' character,
though I have occasionally had dreams about women. These latter,
however, have usually partaken somewhat of the nature of a
nightmare!
"Up to the age of 14 I felt much perplexed and depressed by my
views on sexual desire, and was convinced that they were peculiar
to myself.


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