I understand I was
born with slight gonorrheal affection, and as a child my health
was very indifferent. This latter may have been brought about by
the peculiarly unhappy and unnatural life I led. I had no
companions of my own age, and did not even attend any school
until after my mother's death. My father superintended my
education up to that time, and I had free access to a large and
very varied library, and a great deal of solitary leisure to
enjoy it in. There were a number of medical and scientific books
in it, which were my principal favorites, and I remember deciding
at a very early age to be a doctor. When about 5 years old I
recollect having a sexual dream connected with a railway porter.
It afforded me great pleasure to recall this dream, and about
that time I discovered a method of self-gratification (there is
not much 'teaching' required in these matters!).
"I cannot say that the dream I have mentioned constituted
absolutely the first intimation of inverted feeling, but rather
that it crystallized vague ideas which I might have already had
on the subject.
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