I
asked him once about it, but he had not been taught it by others;
and to my great pride and satisfaction I can say that I never
either did it to him or asked him to do it to me. This I mention
as an instance of my restraint in act, although my thoughts and
desires knew no such curb. I remember also an elder brother of
his, perhaps three or four years my senior, once showing me (then
about 12, I suppose) his semierect penis. He would not allow me
to touch it, but showed me how to draw back the foreskin so as to
uncover the glans. His penis was large, and the incident was not
forgotten. We had no other relation and I know that both he and
my own friend grew up to be quite normal men.
"I think I must have been about 17 when I got frightened about
the occurrence of nocturnal emissions, which I believed were the
evil result of masturbation, and for two or three years I
continued in considerable mental distress until, when in my
second or third year at college, I summoned up courage enough to
consult our good old family doctor, who reassured me, but made, I
now think, too light of my confidences, so that I relapsed the
more readily, although much later on, into old habits.
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