Nothing
took place that all the world might not have seen, but I remember
being taken between his knees as he sat, and his arms being put
around my neck, and the warm, soft pressure of his thighs had an
unspeakable effect on me.
"About this time, too, an older boy, perhaps about 18, used to
get hold of smaller boys when on country walks, to throw them
down and then look at and toy with their genitals. He was
himself a handsome boy, and I was greatly excited when told about
this by boys who had experienced it, and wished greatly to have
it done to me. It never was; and if it had been attempted I know
I should have resisted with all my strength, although my desires
would have set me aflame. This boy died before he was 20, with a
psoas abscess, and I remember crying myself to sleep the night I
learned of his death. Another boy, about three years older than
myself, who had very silky hair, I used to be attracted by and I
was always trying to stroke his hair, but he always objected.
"I must have been about 12 when I first was taught to masturbate
by a cousin who was slightly older.
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