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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Sexual Inversion"

I again sinned, then, with a
youth and his friend. Oddly enough, discovery followed through a
man who was actuated by a feeling of revenge for a strictly right
act on my part. The lads refused to state more than the truth,
and this did not satisfy the man, and a _third_ lad was
introduced, who was prepared to say anything. This was not all;
some twelve or fifteen more boys made similar accusations! The
general belief, in consequence, was that I had committed
'nameless' crimes in all directions, _ad lib_. If you were to ask
me for an explanation of the action of all these boys beyond the
_third_, who, of course, had some special inducements, I can
offer none. They may have thought that the original trio were
regarded rather in the light of _heroes_; why should _they_ not
be heroes, too?
"I might well feel crushed under such a load of accusations, but
that does not excuse the incredible folly of my conduct. I denied
alike the modicum of truth and the mass of lying, and went off to
America. However, as time passed on and my mind got into a proper
state, I felt that the truth must be told some time or other.


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