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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Sexual Inversion"

In my
calm, waking moments it disgusts and rather horrifies me to find
myself apparently so unsexed--yet such is the fact, and the
experience, with only slight changes, repeats itself over and
over again. It is not that I, as a man, wish even in imagination
to act improperly with a boy, but I feel I would like to be in
the girl's place, and the strange thing is that in all these
dreams and imaginings I can always apparently enter into the
feelings of the woman better than into those of the man.
Sometimes I fancy for a moment that perhaps reincarnation is true
and I was a woman in my last life. Sometimes I fancy that when I
was in the womb I was formed as a girl and the sexual organs
changed just at the last moment. It is a curious problem. Don't
think I worry about it. Only at long intervals do I think of
it.... The thing has its bright side. Boys and men seem to have
tender feelings toward me, such as one expects them to have for
members of the opposite sex, and I get into all the closer
contact with them in consequence.


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