When any strong
temptations to sexual passion come over me in my waking moments,
it is of women I think. On the other hand, I have to confess that
after being with some lad I love for an hour or two, I have
sometimes felt my sexual organs roused. But only once in my life
have I experienced a strong desire to sleep in the same bed with
a particular lad, and even then no idea of doing anything entered
my mind. Needless to say, I did not sleep with him.
"I never feel tempted by any girls here, although I see so many
with their bodies freely exposed, and plenty of them have really
pretty faces. Neither do I feel tempted to do anything improper
with any of the boys, although I frequently sit talking with one
who has very little on. But I find the constant sight of
well-shaped bare limbs has a curious effect on the mind and comes
before one's imagination as a picture at unlooked-for times. But
the most curious thing of all is this: There are several lads
here of whom I am very fond. Now when they are near me I think of
them with only the purest and most tender feelings, but sometimes
at night when I am half asleep, or when I am taking my midday
siesta, my imagination pictures one of these lads approaching a
girl, or actually lying with her, and the strange thing is that I
do not feel any desire myself to approach the girl, but I feel I
wish I were in _her_ place and the lad was coming to _me_.
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