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Twain, Mark, 1835-1910

"Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven"

"
"Do you think Talmage will really come here?"
"Why, certainly, he will; but don't you be alarmed; he will run
with his own kind, and there's plenty of them. That is the main
charm of heaven--there's all kinds here--which wouldn't be the case
if you let the preachers tell it. Anybody can find the sort he
prefers, here, and he just lets the others alone, and they let him
alone. When the Deity builds a heaven, it is built right, and on a
liberal plan."
Sandy sent home for his things, and I sent for mine, and about nine
in the evening we begun to dress. Sandy says,--
"This is going to be a grand time for you, Stormy. Like as not
some of the patriarchs will turn out."
"No, but will they?"
"Like as not. Of course they are pretty exclusive. They hardly
ever show themselves to the common public. I believe they never
turn out except for an eleventh-hour convert. They wouldn't do it
then, only earthly tradition makes a grand show pretty necessary on
that kind of an occasion."
"Do they an turn out, Sandy?"
"Who?--all the patriarchs? Oh, no--hardly ever more than a couple.
You will be here fifty thousand years--maybe more--before you get a
glimpse of all the patriarchs and prophets. Since I have been
here, Job has been to the front once, and once Ham and Jeremiah
both at the same time. But the finest thing that has happened in
my day was a year or so ago; that was Charles Peace's reception--
him they called 'the Bannercross Murderer'--an Englishman.


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