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Various

"Successful Recitations"

If ye'll belave me, the
crayther was that yeller it 'ud sicken ye to see him; and sorra stick
was on him but a black night-gown over his trowsers, and the front of
his head shaved claner nor a copper biler, and a black tail a-hangin'
down from it behind, wid his two feet stook into the haythenestest
shoes yer ever set eyes on. Och! but I was upstairs afore ye could
turn about, a-givin' the missus warnin', an' only stopt wid her by
her raisin' me wages two dollars, an' playdin' wid me how it was a
Christian's duty to bear wid haythens, and taich 'em all in our
power--the saints save us! Well, the ways and trials I had wid that
Chineser, Ann Ryan, I couldn't be tellin'. Not a blissid thing cud I
do, but he'd be lookin' on wid his eyes cocked up'ard like two
poomp-handles; an' he widdout a speck or smitch o' whishkers on him,
an' his finger-nails full a yard long. But it's dyin' ye'd be to see
the missus a-larnin' him, an' he a-grinnin', an' waggin' his pig-tail
(which was pieced out long wid some black stoof, the haythen chate!),
and gettin' into her ways wonderful quick, I don't deny, imitatin',
that sharp, ye'd be shurprised, an' ketchin an' copyin' things the
best of us will do a-hurried wid work, yet don't want comin' to the
knowledge o' the family--bad luck to him!
Is it ate wid him? Arrah, an' would I be sittin' wid a haythen, an'
he a-atin' wid drumsticks?--yes, an' atin' dogs an' cats unknownst to
me, I warrant ye, which it is the custom of them Chinesers, till the
thought made me that sick I could die.


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