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Various

"Successful Recitations"

And _then_ he wouldn't let the old pianner go. He
for'ard two'd, he cross't over first gentleman, he cross't over first
lady, he balanced two pards, he chassede right and left, back to
your places, he all hands'd aroun', ladies to the right, promenade
all, in and out, here and there, back and forth, up and down,
perpetual motion, doubled, twisted and turned and tacked and tangled
into forty-'leven thousand double bow knots.
"By jinks! It _was_ a mixtery. And then he wouldn't let the old
pianner go. He fecht up his right wing, he fecht up his left wing, he
fecht up his centre, he fecht up his reserves. He fired by file, he
fired by platoons, by company, by regiments, by brigades. He opened
his cannon, siege guns down thar, Napoleons here, twelve-pounders
yonder, big guns, little guns, middle-size guns, round shot, shells,
shrapnels, grape, canister, mortars, mines and magazines, every
livin' battery and bomb a-goin' at the same time. The house trembled,
the lights danced, the walls shuk, the floor come up, the ceilin'
come down, the sky split, the ground rock't--heaven and earth,
creation, sweet potatoes, Moses, ninpences, glory, tenpenny nails, my
Mary Ann, Hallelujah, Sampson in a sim-mon tree, Jerusalem, Tump
Thompson in a tumbler cart, roodle-oodle-oodle-oodle-oodle-ruddle-
uddle-uddle-uddle-raddle-addle-addle-addle-riddle-iddle-iddle-iddle-
reedle-eedle-eedle-eedle-p-r-r-r-r-lang! per lang! per lang!
p-r-r-r-r-r lang! Bang!
"With that bang he lifted himself bodily into the air, and he come
down with his knees, his ten fingers, his ten toes, his elbows, and
his nose, striking every single solitary key on that pianner at the
same time.


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